Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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