Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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