Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i think my cat just said my name.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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