Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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