sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
