I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
