I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
