Just fell off a train. Bad.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
