It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
