I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
