you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
