Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Farmville is her only friend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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