My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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