the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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