nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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