New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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