did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
