Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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