My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
