she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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