Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
