Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
