there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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