I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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