she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
