he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
