In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
