She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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