38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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