smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
