I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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