3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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