Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize