New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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