I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize