I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
