Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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