Please, let me fuck your mom
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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