yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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