Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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