i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
