Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
