someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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