Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
