carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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