So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
