I'm so fucking centered right now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
