we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
