i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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