I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
