and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
