ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize