So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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