Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
