please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
