Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
