Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize