I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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