then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize