she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You work out of a Hotel?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
