Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
