Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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