i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
