No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
