allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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