when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We are all done wearing pants today
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
