i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize