I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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