I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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