i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
