Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
