Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
