For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
