I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
