Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
