I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize