the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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