I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can I color on your dick again?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
