C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
