My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
