I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
