I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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