If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
