Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
