highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
