did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
