the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize