im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
