why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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