Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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