she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
