why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
