theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
