I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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