it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
