in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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