i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
