my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
