she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
