his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize