hell yes lets make some ravioli
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize