I skipped work to stalk him.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
