I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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