smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
