Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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