You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
