I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well I just put wine in my tea
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
