Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
